January, 7, 2011

Let me update things that I have been feeling and doing, Yesterday, I went for a ride with my parents to Theurer's Meats to pick up the beef they had ready. It felt so good to be able to go for a ride and enjoy some fresh air. Things have been been better with great friends and family taking alot of my stress and anxiety away from me so I can concentrate on getting better. I was also feeling good enough to go watch the BR. Girls basketball game and to feel like I was part of the community again and not panic. Shaunie you did a great job! I was nice to be with my boys like we use to do. I know I will get there but the road is slow.

Today I have been thinking alot about the gospel and how I am so glad that I was raised in the gospel and know that with faith all things are possible. I am thankful for priesthood blessings and how they can calm and remind us that if we take a hold of heavenly fathers hand and pray to him, he will hear and answer our prays. I have been a little tiery eyed today to thinking of all the blessings that have come to me and my family. I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.

I also am tapering off the steroids tonight and that is not the funnest thing in the world, but if you were to ask anyone going through cancer, nothing is the funnest!

I thank you all for your prayers and continue to ask for more. I still have a smile on my face. My next appointment is on Monday, so until then, I love you all.

Jan.3, 2011

Headed down to L.D.S. for a check up and to see if my counts had recovered from the last go round. If they had, then I was able to start the next one. When it was my turn to go have my blood drawn, they couldn't access my port in my chest so they had to draw out of the arm. I don't have very many veins left to choose from, because the chemo, I guess hides them. Right after she drew out of arm the red port decided to work. They still wanted me to go down to have a look at the port to make sure it was o.k. Funny thing happened they got me all ready and did the ex-rays. Perfect, they said. All was in the right spot and they got all three lines to draw blood. We now have east 8 outpatient clinic baffled.

I surprised the P.A. and the Dr's by my counts. They all had doubled and I was ready for the next round of vinecristine, the red devil, and believe me the name fits, its nasty chemo, 6mp chemo pills, and of course we can't forget the steroid, dethemexazone. I am going to do my best to get through this round and just keep going. Only 2 more Peg chemo's and All of you in Fielding will hear my cheers all the way home.

I want to thank Lorianne Stokes for taking me to the clinic. We had a nice time just visiting and it sure helped to have someone else who knows that CANCER SUCKS!!

I am grateful for all the prayers and please keep them coming. I love you all! Until next time.

The worst part so far!

I have had alot a people ask me to up date my blog, there are days when the computer is the last place I want to be on.
This consolidation period is pure HELL! And I won't even try to sugar coat it for nothing. You have chemotherapy running through your body 24/7. There are days that you fiscally can not get out of bed other than making it to the bathroom. Sometimes I can get to the couch or chair. I have had to let go of the mother in me and become the patient for everyone to take care of. That is not easy, I love my boys and they help me pretty good.
Just some of the things that I deal with are, shaky, even when you walk, not being able to sleep very good, and the fatigue of just getting out of the shower, but the worst part is the nausea.
I had a blessing and in that blessing it reminded me that I need to put my hand in a higher power and trust him with all my heart. Heavenly Father is mindful of me and if I pray and trust in him I will be o.k. My testimony has grown so much in the last 8 months and I know It will continue to grow every day.
I am so thankful for my mom and dad and want them to know how much I love them. Thank you to all of you for the prayers coming my way, they are felt. Maybe more chemo Monday If my counts have recovered from the last one on Monday. Thanks again for all your love and concern. I love you all

Nov. 2, 2010

I can't believe that November is already here. I am already freezing and my boys said that its not even cold yet. Yikes! I started Consolidation 1 and can already tell that its going to take a lot of patience and encouragement through the next 30 weeks. I am coming off of the steroids, which every three weeks I will be back on for a week, and the side affects are not so nice. The body shakes and the aches and pains in all of your bones and joints is not my idea of a fun thing. There are days when I feel so alone, now that I am home the phone hardly rings, the visits have not been as often and I think that is when the depression and despair set in.
I went to the clinic yesterday and all my counts are great, the nurses and Dr. know just how to boost you up so you can keep going. You think that you are feeling crappy and they let you know that you are just sailing through. I have so many blessings to be thankful for and remind myself, no matter how hard it gets, we can have a good cry, pick myself up and move forward. I get frustrated with all that needs to be done to keep me safe and not get sick and I can't do them, I am not good at asking for help, but I need lots of help.! I love my family so much and appreciate all that they do for me. I have the best friends in the world and thank you all for your prayers.

Oct. 22, 2010

What can I say, I am not very good at keeping this blog updated! I have been to the Bear River Valley Hospital for blood, had a great welcome home party, and enjoyed visits from friends and neighbors. My counts are slow in coming up to start the next consolidation period, so I have been feeling pretty good. We hope that the counts are good for Monday. I want to keep this show on the road in the right direction.
I thank family and friends for all their help these last two weeks, I really appreciate everything because it is hard for me to do, and as most of you know, it is hard for me to ask for help.
I am excited for the new arrival of my little niece, Taylee May, it is so nice to have something good to look forward to and how precious they are, as your fighting for your life, heavenly father sends down a new little angel to brighten your day! Congrats James and Maryann, you make cute babies.
I am excited to go and watch my son, Bracken, play football tonight. Last home ball game and region game of the season, then off to the playoffs! Go get um son!!!
I still have a positive attitude, most of the time and the fight will continue!

Oct. 9, 2010

I have been feeling so run down and my energy has been nothing. Yesterday I went and had my labs drawn and sure enough, I need blood. I am going to the hospital today to receive blood and I hope that it will give me a little more energy to make it for Monday. Monday starts the next consolidation period, chemo, steroids, and all that fun stuff. I am so glad to be home to recuperate from these next 30 weeks of lots of chemo. There is no place like home and your own recliner chair! My boys are the greatest and take such good care of me. I am loving being spoiled, if you would call it that.
I still have the best chauffeur around and appreciate all that my family does and will do for me. I am truly blessed!

October 5, 2010

It was so nice to be able to come home to Fielding and try to be a family again, as much as possible. The mother mode in me wanted to kick into action, but the physical part of me said No way. This CNS phase has really kicked my butt, as I have mentioned before and for the first time I saw myself in the mirror as a sick cancer patient and it scared me. I stood there and cried filled with a lot of emotion as to what was going on inside of me. There are days that I feel like I am going crazy, because I just can't concentrate on one thing for more that five min.
I was reminded yesterday at my clinic visit that this is normal. Normal, will it ever be the same as before the cancer, probably not, but we can start getting use to the new normal for awhile.
My dear friend, Brandi Chase, came to spend my "Peg" day with me at the clinic. It is so nice to know someone that has been there and done what you are doing and to give you all the encouragement you need. Plus she knows just how crazy I feel because she has been to that kind of crazy. My emotions are all over the place, but they never were really under control to begin with. Now I have 4 Pegs down, just 11 more to go!
I am so thankful at this time for family and friends! Thanks so much to Chris and Cali Bywater for the make over in the bathroom and giving me one less worry about coming home, plus it looks amazing. Thank you to my Aunt Karen and Linda for cleaning and sanitizing my home for me. You did an amazing job. Thanks to my Sister, Maryann for coming with my Aunt JaDene and making my home feel like fall. And especially thanks to my Dad and Mom for taking care of me to and from the clinic. There are days that I just wish my dad could kiss my cheek and make it all go away, or a great big hug from my mom would do the magic trick, but we are all in this together and will make the best of it.
I have the best family around and know that I am truly blessed. I love each and everyone of you and try to say it more often, because you never know just when another curve ball will be thrown in your direction.