Family

Our family after the special event.

My Boys...Bracken, Colten, Jed, and Weston Smith

Uncle Mike Lambert, Grandpa Owen, Colten, Father-in-law Chris Bywater, and Uncle James May.

I am so proud of my son Colten. He became an Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood. I was so excited to be here for this event and hope that he will always honor this special priesthood that has been put upon him. He had his grandpa Owen ordain him. When you have been diagnosed with cancer, you cherish every day and event that happens in your family. I am so proud of him and the choices that he has made.

He now is married to his sweetheart and I couldn't be happier. I finally have a daughter and I look forward to getting to know her better.

Monday I went to the Logan Infusion Center and had my dose of Methatrexate. My counts were down by half, but I am optimistic that I will win this battle. I just love the nurses that take care of me. They make you feel special through all the ugly of cancer. I also attended my first support group for cancer patients. What a great time I had. It is so good to hear from other cancer patients that know what I am going through and I know what they are going through. We had many laughs. I hope to continue with the support group and hope in some way help someone else through all the ugly of cancer.

This year Weston has had the opportunity to play basketball on a traveling team. He has had some great coaches and teammates to help him improve and love the game. They have won 3 championships and I am so proud of him. Thanks to Greg Madsen and Craig Reese for helping him and teaching him to love the game. Also Weston participated in the 6th grade Worlds Fair. His county was Egypt and he did a great job on his report. Keep up the good work Weston!! Love you!

Feelings

I have not updated for awhile and have some feelings that I need to express! I have always been one to do the right thing or at least try hard to do the right thing. One thing I have been taught is to not judge someone until you have ALL the facts! In the last few months, I have been judged and put down so much that you start to believe that maybe I am worthless or don't deserve to have happiness for myself. If you don't have happiness yourself how are you suppose to give happiness to others. Well I have struggled with this A LOT!! I have decided that people can say all they want to and put others down, but I have had enough! I make myself happy by the choices I make each and everyday to be the best wife, mother, sister, and to some, friend. We all have struggles in our life, but only one person will be accountable for judging us for the person or people that we are. I will continue to be the kind of person that I know in my heart is right and put a smile on my face with my head held high for I know I am a daughter of God and he is mindful of the challenges that I face each and everyday. He will help me and will never leave my side.
I also believe that you should not judge someone without knowing all the facts. Don't rely on what other people say or think about someone. Get to know them for yourself and then go from there, It just might surprise you that maybe YOU were the one that was wrong!
Don't put people down either, you have no idea what they are going through, but don't lie to the persons face either and say one thing then turn around and say another to someone else. It comes around to bite you in the ass!
That is how people get hurt and I don't like it.

January 17, 2012

Yesterday I went to the Logan Infusion Center to receive my mountain dew milkshake, aka methotrexate. My son, Bracken, took me and we had a great mother son visit. I love talking with my boys and making sure they are doing o.k.
My counts were good enough to get the chemo and off we went. I didn't feel great after the treatment, so we stopped at Papa Murphy's for pizza.
I tried to eat, but went to bed instead. Hope to be feeling better by Wed. or Thur.
I am also dealing with change, and believe me change is hard. I want to keep my kids little some days and not let go, but know that in reality that is not going to happen, or is what should happen. It is hard to stop mom mode, and let them go. I hope that they know that I will always be their mom and will always be here for all three of them wonderful, terrific, caring boys of mine and in no way will I ever get in the way of seeing them smile. (Some with dimples).
Why is it sooo hard to let go when you know that you have done everything in your power to teach them to stay on the right path. I know all I want is to see them succeed with whatever they want to do in life.
Colten, Bracken and Weston, remember that I love you so much and will never stop! These last few years have been tough, but hey look at us now! I will continue to fight every day for one more day here with you all!
I want you all to know also that I AM looking forward to getting the most wonderful daughter-in-law in the world. She is the sweetest girl and fits right into our family so great! Hey then I won't be so out numbered either.
All I want is to see my family happy!

My Family

I love my mom and sisters so much. (Love you too John). Thanks mom for the wonderful talk and great advise that you gave to me yesterday at the infusion center and also for letting me vent and just listening to me. I love you and will always hold a special place in my heart for you! (Remember the necklace)!

My dad and all his girls! Dad I love you!

The most important people in my life!!! Forever Strong! (Thanks Tawnie and Aunt JaDene)!

My sweetheart!

Eagle Scout

One Proud Mom!!! (I did this backward, but it has been along time since I posted so I will get better)

My dad, Earl Owen, received the flag and presented it to Bracken!

Congratulations to my son, Bracken, for achieving his Eagle Scout! I am very proud of him and the many merit badges that it took to get there. He has had some of the best leaders and I thank them for their encouragement.

New Year 2012

I have decided what is the most important thing in my life right now, and that is my FAMILY!! I have still been going through chemotherapy and the great fun of steroids. It has been one of the toughest things I have done in my life, but I am alive and still a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.
I was so glad to see 2011 go out and a new 2012 come in. It has been a hard year for our family, but is looking up for this coming year. I have the best extended family anyone could ask for. Thanks for the drop in talks, crashing on the couch waiting for Weston to get out of school, and just keeping my chin up.
I want to thank my parents for everything they do for me. Parents are wise!
Thanks also to the nurses and Dr.s they are amazing people!
Last, Thanks so much to my Angel, Brandi Chase, she keep what is most important for me to remember.
I still have a greater love for the gospel and treasure my testimony more everyday! Thanks to everyone and have a great new year!!

Oct.11, 2011

It has been along time since I have posted, so as I wait for the banana bread to come out of the oven, I thought it would be a good time for updates.

I went to the clinic at L.D.S. yesterday and had labs drawn, an MRI on my hip, a lumbar poke with chemo, (the triple threat chemo) and more chemo and steroids to finish my day off.

From the MRI they found bulging discs in my lower back that was causing a pinched nerve. Very painful to walk and sleep, so no heavy lifting for me for a week and the Dr.s are deciding where to send me for management on that. The L.P. came back clean, YEA, and the chemo went in the spine this time. They up ed my dose of Methatraxate again, but are to the maximum that it can go so they can't up it anymore! :) When I got back to the 8th floor I had one more chemo to get through the I.V.(Vincristine)and then we were ready to go. It was a long day in Salt Lake, but I love the staff and my family on the 8th floor. I now go over to Logan Infusion Center for the next two weeks to receive my chemo and love the drive just a little bit better. I am still pressing forward and want all of you to know just how blessed I have been by the little things that everyone is doing to help us out. I don't know how I will ever repay you, but will think of something. My family has become so close and I love them all. Now that the computer is wet from my tears, I will just say one more thing, I love you all!!

Vacation June 2011

We took some time in June and went to visit my brother and sister in Roosevelt. We pulled our trailer and parked it in the back yard of their house. I really needed the break from home. John took us Fishing and each one of us caught a fish. Only my brother could kiss the fish. They made our stay fantastic and I loved the conversation and good food!

This is my nephew Tyler, and he wanted a "cheesy picture with his fish like all the rest of us had. He is such a sweet kid and I love him to the moon and back!

No I did not catch a thing, but I also didn't want to be left out and not get a "cheesy picture" fatness and all. (Look at those checks!)

John and Tyler took us to the Dinosaur Museum in Vernal and we had a great time looking at all the dinosaurs and fossils. Here we are by the Woolly Mammoth. Weston had a great time!

Weston and my niece, Malaree May fishing with the net. I can't remember if they caught anything or not. I do know they were having a great time. Jack and I threw rocks in the water at the other end of the lake and had just as much fun!

Jed with his nice trout. Jamie fried it up that night and it sure was delicious. That was the first taste of fish for Weston. He really liked it.

Sorry I can't make this picture turn the right way, but it is of Weston and his first fish that he caught. He was so excited and we also taught him to bait his own hook with a worm using his hands not pliers!

June 2011 Relay for Life and more

Sorry for the picture overload, but this is some of my best supporters (Some I didn't get a picture of) We had a wonderful time at the Relay for Life. Our shirts for the relay were "Hunting for a Cure" One day I hope that we don't ever hear the words "Cancer!"

My husband, Jed and my oldest son Colten.

Boy my dad sure is funny! I love him and my mom too!

Cousins Tawnie and Shaun

Jack, Tyler, Jamie

Family Friends--Harrah's

Nieces

My best supporter and best friend, my sweet hubby, Jed. I don't know what I would do without him. (He had just had his hip redone and still showed up to support me) I love him so much!

This is the "Survivor Walk" I was very emotional when I saw my family and friends cheering for me. If any of you have not been to one of these, you need to they are great and very helpful to see all the people who have overcome cancer. I am going on 1 year cancer free!

Getting set up for the Relay for Life. My niece, Malaree, and my son Weston.

I was honored to walk in my friends behalf also. Robinett Wilkinson lost her battle with Leukemia, I admired her for her fight and her friendship. Her husband, Keith and daughter, Kim came and joined us for the walk. Great people! Cancer sure sucks!

This is Andy Layne and I with two thumbs up for being "Survivors" of cancer. I am glad to know that we both can go to each other and they will know what we are going through! He also won the raffle that we had. A nice new shop vac.

In June my family and I did the Relay for Life, this is the quilt that my team had to raffle off and I won it with help from my family. My Cousin, Sherri pieced this quilt so it was special to me!

The Fielding Elementary School started to come down in June and I wanted to get a picture of me and my boys. I attended the school and then in 2006 I started working there as a cook in the kitchen. My boys are in order of attending the school. Colten is next to me, Bracken, and then Weston. So sad to see the school go down, but glad that they will be building a new one. I liked the commute to work!

Happy Birthday to me!!!!
As I have been thinking of this day and what it would mean to me, alot has come to my mind.
Let me refresh one year ago today.
Getting out of the hospital on the 14th of May 2010 with the Dr. telling me I looked to good to do a bone marrow biopsy, I went home with little energy and a immune system that did nothing. My boys had given me a workout dvd and I decided that if i work out a little more I would feel better. Not! Two weeks of blood tests I finally agreed to a bone marrow biopsy.

I went to the Logan Cancer Center and Dr. Ali Ben Jacob preformed to procedure. My mom had fingernail markes in her hand from me holding it. (Not the funnest test in the world without pain meds). They told me it would take one week to get the results.
The next day, I was on my way to the Logan Temple with my friend, Cali Bywater, when my phone rang. It was Dr. Ben Jacob with the words, "You have Leukemia and I am finding you a hospital to go to today, please stay by your phone." I made Cali pull over, and I just cried, I want my mom!!!! Funny how even at the age of 40 you still want your mom. Mom's just have a way of making you feel better.

One hour later I was on my way to the L.D.S. Hospital in Salt Lake City having to make life changing decisions.

One year later here I am remembering the day and thankful to still be here with my wonderful family. I have so many people to thank for this, because I think I would have given up long ago if not for their encouraging words and especially the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So today I celebrate one year cancer free, and one more year of treatments to keep me cancer free!!! I listen to my kids more, and don't get so upset if the dishes are piled high in the sink, I love my husband more each day and always remember to tell those I love, I love you everyday. You never know when your last day will be so don't put things off. Love to you all, and Happy Birthday to ME!

April 25, 2011

This is what my husband does when he takes me to the clinic, I am so grateful for him even if he is not the best conversation person.

This is my son Weston, he loves his mom and wants to help all the time.

This is my wonderful Dr. Julie Asch, I just love her to death. She is taking such good care of me!

The last dose of the 'Red Devil" I was so excited, another milestone in kicking Leukemia's Butt!!

My counts are finally doing what they are supposed to do, get back to normal. The steroids are still my killer and making me gain so much weight that it scares me. I hope that I can lose some of it when they cut my dose in half. I can now tolerate the cycles and am so happy that I am having doxy all done. (That is what we call the Red Devil) Things are going a lot better now that I am done with the PEG also. I almost fill like myself. I appreciate all the help that I am getting and love all of you for it! You are my angels.

Feb 28, 2011

I am way behind on this blog, but this was a big day for me! My last PEG!!! Brandi gave me a shirt that had the count down for this chemo, and each nurse that gave me this chemo signed in the square for the count down. This is Becky and her student nurse and they were as excited as i was to get that last dose and be done. I am feeling so much better now that the PEG is out of my system. I have been able to go grocery shopping, I still hate that chore, but its nice to feel good. I have great family and friends that help me with the things that I still am unable to do and I sure appreciate each and everyone of you.

I will still need two more doses of the "Red Devil" and I hope to feel even better! The Dr.s are amazed at how great I am doing. I cherish every good day and try to keep a good attitude about all that is still ahead of me. I am also glad for some hair on the top of my head, not a lot yet, but it is coming! Cycle 6 will begin on April 4. I need a total of 10 chemo cycles and then we are at the maintenance and I will be able to go back to work in Aug. Looking forward to that! I take one day at a time and still have faith that i will be a survivor of cancer!