The worst part so far!

I have had alot a people ask me to up date my blog, there are days when the computer is the last place I want to be on.
This consolidation period is pure HELL! And I won't even try to sugar coat it for nothing. You have chemotherapy running through your body 24/7. There are days that you fiscally can not get out of bed other than making it to the bathroom. Sometimes I can get to the couch or chair. I have had to let go of the mother in me and become the patient for everyone to take care of. That is not easy, I love my boys and they help me pretty good.
Just some of the things that I deal with are, shaky, even when you walk, not being able to sleep very good, and the fatigue of just getting out of the shower, but the worst part is the nausea.
I had a blessing and in that blessing it reminded me that I need to put my hand in a higher power and trust him with all my heart. Heavenly Father is mindful of me and if I pray and trust in him I will be o.k. My testimony has grown so much in the last 8 months and I know It will continue to grow every day.
I am so thankful for my mom and dad and want them to know how much I love them. Thank you to all of you for the prayers coming my way, they are felt. Maybe more chemo Monday If my counts have recovered from the last one on Monday. Thanks again for all your love and concern. I love you all

Nov. 2, 2010

I can't believe that November is already here. I am already freezing and my boys said that its not even cold yet. Yikes! I started Consolidation 1 and can already tell that its going to take a lot of patience and encouragement through the next 30 weeks. I am coming off of the steroids, which every three weeks I will be back on for a week, and the side affects are not so nice. The body shakes and the aches and pains in all of your bones and joints is not my idea of a fun thing. There are days when I feel so alone, now that I am home the phone hardly rings, the visits have not been as often and I think that is when the depression and despair set in.
I went to the clinic yesterday and all my counts are great, the nurses and Dr. know just how to boost you up so you can keep going. You think that you are feeling crappy and they let you know that you are just sailing through. I have so many blessings to be thankful for and remind myself, no matter how hard it gets, we can have a good cry, pick myself up and move forward. I get frustrated with all that needs to be done to keep me safe and not get sick and I can't do them, I am not good at asking for help, but I need lots of help.! I love my family so much and appreciate all that they do for me. I have the best friends in the world and thank you all for your prayers.

Oct. 22, 2010

What can I say, I am not very good at keeping this blog updated! I have been to the Bear River Valley Hospital for blood, had a great welcome home party, and enjoyed visits from friends and neighbors. My counts are slow in coming up to start the next consolidation period, so I have been feeling pretty good. We hope that the counts are good for Monday. I want to keep this show on the road in the right direction.
I thank family and friends for all their help these last two weeks, I really appreciate everything because it is hard for me to do, and as most of you know, it is hard for me to ask for help.
I am excited for the new arrival of my little niece, Taylee May, it is so nice to have something good to look forward to and how precious they are, as your fighting for your life, heavenly father sends down a new little angel to brighten your day! Congrats James and Maryann, you make cute babies.
I am excited to go and watch my son, Bracken, play football tonight. Last home ball game and region game of the season, then off to the playoffs! Go get um son!!!
I still have a positive attitude, most of the time and the fight will continue!

Oct. 9, 2010

I have been feeling so run down and my energy has been nothing. Yesterday I went and had my labs drawn and sure enough, I need blood. I am going to the hospital today to receive blood and I hope that it will give me a little more energy to make it for Monday. Monday starts the next consolidation period, chemo, steroids, and all that fun stuff. I am so glad to be home to recuperate from these next 30 weeks of lots of chemo. There is no place like home and your own recliner chair! My boys are the greatest and take such good care of me. I am loving being spoiled, if you would call it that.
I still have the best chauffeur around and appreciate all that my family does and will do for me. I am truly blessed!

October 5, 2010

It was so nice to be able to come home to Fielding and try to be a family again, as much as possible. The mother mode in me wanted to kick into action, but the physical part of me said No way. This CNS phase has really kicked my butt, as I have mentioned before and for the first time I saw myself in the mirror as a sick cancer patient and it scared me. I stood there and cried filled with a lot of emotion as to what was going on inside of me. There are days that I feel like I am going crazy, because I just can't concentrate on one thing for more that five min.
I was reminded yesterday at my clinic visit that this is normal. Normal, will it ever be the same as before the cancer, probably not, but we can start getting use to the new normal for awhile.
My dear friend, Brandi Chase, came to spend my "Peg" day with me at the clinic. It is so nice to know someone that has been there and done what you are doing and to give you all the encouragement you need. Plus she knows just how crazy I feel because she has been to that kind of crazy. My emotions are all over the place, but they never were really under control to begin with. Now I have 4 Pegs down, just 11 more to go!
I am so thankful at this time for family and friends! Thanks so much to Chris and Cali Bywater for the make over in the bathroom and giving me one less worry about coming home, plus it looks amazing. Thank you to my Aunt Karen and Linda for cleaning and sanitizing my home for me. You did an amazing job. Thanks to my Sister, Maryann for coming with my Aunt JaDene and making my home feel like fall. And especially thanks to my Dad and Mom for taking care of me to and from the clinic. There are days that I just wish my dad could kiss my cheek and make it all go away, or a great big hug from my mom would do the magic trick, but we are all in this together and will make the best of it.
I have the best family around and know that I am truly blessed. I love each and everyone of you and try to say it more often, because you never know just when another curve ball will be thrown in your direction.

Radiation is Over!

I received this certificate and a Hawaiian Lia for my last day. I even got to ring the bell and shout Hooray!!

Today was my last day of radiation and I was relieved! It has not been the easiest phase of this, but we made it through. These are some of the wonderful ladies that take such great care of me during this process.

They have me all in my mask and ready for the radiation to begin. You cannot move your head at all with this lovely mask on. Talk about get me out of here!

CNS Phase

This week has not been my favorite of weeks, I started my CNS phase and it has been the roughest so far. I started on Monday with labs, radiation, lumbar poke with chemo in the spinal column, and then 3 different chemos in the I.V. and that was just Monday. Everyday I have gone into the hospital for radiation on the head to keep out the cancer cells from going into the brain. Thursday I had another lumbar poke with chemo in the spine called the triple threat. I don't much care for the triple threat, but if it keeps out the cancer from my spinal column, bring it on. The nurses and Dr. at the hospital are wonderful and I am so grateful to each and everyone of them for their great kindness and concern for me.
I have a much bigger testimony of the power of prayer and how it blesses my life. I find myself praying more and know that my father in heaven is there and listening to his daughter trying to comfort me. I sure don't know where I would be without the priesthood and the blessings that come from these brethren. The priesthood is everywhere! What a great feeling!
I am excited to go and watch my son play football tonight at Ben Lomond High School in Ogden. Then spend the weekend in Fielding. I am counting down the days to coming home and staying, and it feels like sometimes time stands still, but I am a fighter and I will be a survivor!